The Girl Behind The Smile

Happy Fathers Day

2008-06-14T23:29:00.000-07:00

I miss my Dad

I'm Going To Be An Aunt!!!

2008-06-06T16:22:00.000-07:00

Well sort of. One of my best friends from 7th grade (we'll call her L...her name is long, don't want to type it over and over!) is really going to be an aunt but I kind of am. Her brother and his wife are expecting in about 2 1/2-3 months. She's 7 months pregnant, obviously we've known for a while so why am I excited about it now, 7 months in?

Yesterday L and I were talking about the baby because the baby shower is next weekend and I may not be able to go cause I have training for my new job. Anyway, we started talking about her brother. He's in the Navy and is in South America right now. We were talking about how he's excited yada yada yada and L was like "did I ever tell you what my brother said about you and the baby?" and I said no cause I didn't recall her saying anything, and she was like "He said that you were going to be an Auntie not long after they found out they were having a baby."

This made me even MORE excited! Michael has known me since I was like 12 cause L and I have been really good friends since then, I'm so excited he thinks of me as a part of their family!

Her name is going to be Susan Gabrielle I think. I know Susan for sure, she is going to be named after Michael and L's mom who passed away about 3 years ago. I can't wait to meet her!

I'm going to buy the baby her first pair of Michael Jordan shoes and they will be pink. I need to look for them, but I think it's fitting!

A Little Vegas Story

2008-06-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

No, I didn't get married! Although that would have made for a good story, I listened to ya Jo Ann. ;-]

Eric, Kyle, and I were walking down the strip by Planet Hollywood and it had been raining so it was really slippery. I had slipped a few times so I was holding onto the boys so I didn't fall. We were on the upper level and wanted to get down. There was this escalator type thing coming up, but it didn't have stairs, it was a ramp. Ya know like those moving sidewalks in airports? Except this was going up.

I had given a little thought to go down the up but I was kinda nervous because I didn't want to fall and make an ass of myself! This is where Steve saved the day. I don't know Steve, just his name.

So Steve was obviously not sober and went to the upward ramp and said something about going down it. After he has this clever idea his friends are like "no Steve, lets just take the stairs" but Steve doesn't like this idea. He looks at his friends, points down at the upward ramp and says "THIS ONE IS GOING DOWWWNNN!" Like he was a wrestler or something.

Keep in mind this is loud enough for everyone around to here, immediately Kyle, Eric, Me, and Steves' friends think this is a bad idea. Steve takes 1 step on the ramp and EVERYTHING, arms, legs, body, and the drink goes flying. Steve landed on his back and just looked completely stunned. Ya know how people look in movies when they get electrocuted? That was Steve!

We couldn't help but die laughing, and I'm pretty sure his friends were too. Steve kept trying to get up but every time he tried to get his footing he would slip and fall on his butt again, and in the meantime you hear his friends saying "Steve, come on, get up." They ended up having to pick him up at the top of the ramp.

Thank you Steve for saving me from the embarrassment! :-]

Lookie What I Got...

2008-06-01T00:59:00.000-07:00

It's a 2006 Nissan Frontier! I have wanted a truck FOREVER and the Frontiers are spacious but not TOO big. I love it! :o]

My Birthday in AZ

2008-05-31T09:50:00.000-07:00

I am home now! I wish I could just move everyone to one central place. I love Arizona and I miss my friends that live there. The AZ part of the trip was just as awesome as the Vegas trip. I got to see my friends/old teammates including my best friend. And I got to spend my birthday with them!

On the day of my birthday my friend Brooke took me to get a pedicure which was awesome! My first! Anyway, there were two little boys there, they were the sons of the owner, they were 6 and 7, and of course as cute as ever!

Brooke told them that it was my birthday and they got so excited and told me "Happy Birthday" and wanted to know how old I was and Brooke and I told them to guess. The first guess was 30 and Brooke and I were cracking up but we told them that they were wrong and to guess again. The next guess was 41 haha. By this time we are both laughing pretty hard and Brooke tells them to go lower and the kid was like "LOWER?!?" in shock, which was probably the best part!

I'm not worried about "getting old" or looking old so I thought it was pretty funny! I hope you enjoyed the first story of many to come!

WE MADE IT!

2008-05-27T11:09:00.000-07:00

We lived through Vegas!! We left around 5:45am on Friday morning and drove all the way from Seattle to Vegas. It is supposed to be a 17 hr trip but Kyle had a U-Haul trailer hooked to his truck and hills became a problem (topping out at 40 mph) so it took us a little longer. We got to Vegas around 3:30 Saturday morning, yep 22 hours...we're stupid! Not to mention Kyle's truck is NOT crew cab, it's got those little seats that come out of the side of the car so you sit sideways in the back. Needless to say we were in close quarters! It was honestly a fun trip though. I think that there was like 3 hrs total that we weren't talking or laughing.

We are in Tempe now which is about a 5 hr drive from Vegas...piece of cake! I stayed with one of my friends/old teammates last night while the boys wandered around campus and stayed at Kyle's apartment. I plan on laying out at the pool today, I can't wait!! :o]

I just went for a run so I need to shower. There will definitely be some Vegas stories to come!

VIVA LAS VEGAS!

2008-05-22T23:57:00.000-07:00

Well in about 5 hours I am hitting the road for my week long trip to Vegas and Arizona! Kyle, Eric, and I are leaving at 5:00am and we will be in Vegas at some point tomorrow night!

I am bringing my old lap top with me so I may blog, although I think I'm the only one that reads it these days haha!

Well I better get to packing, I haven't even started!

2008-05-19T22:21:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I can't believe my dad isn't here anymore. I miss him SO much. When I get somewhere early and I need to kill some time I go to my phone and go to his number to call him but obviously I realize that I can't talk to him. It's been over 2 months now, and I know he's way better than he was here, but I definitely miss him.

My sister works nights and she's barley home at it is, she's always at her boyfriends house so that leaves me home alone ALL the time, pretty much every day and always EVERY night. It has gotten old. I hate being in this house alone. She wasn't home when my dad was alive, but my dad was, he was always my company. Now it's just me. Oh well, it could definitely be worse!

Today when I got the mail there was something from my school saying that I was 1 cred it short of graduating...WHAT?!?! Before I registered for classes my advisor and I talked and I needed to take 7 credits to complete my degree but 12 to stay full time so I took 12.

Although I took 12, 3 of those 12 were from a class I had previously taken so those 3 are a wash. I'm no math major but last time I checked 12-3=9 which means I had 2 extra credits. Ugh so frustrating, I have to call tomorrow and try to get everything straightened out.

Class of 2008!

2008-05-12T00:12:00.000-07:00

Well I am officially a 2008 Graduate!

A couple of friends and I decorated our caps, here is mine...

and my friends...

My gown was tough to zip so I needed a little help

It took me 4.5 years to graduate but I was on the 5 year plan with these girls

My Mom and Rex came out to good ol Kansas to watch me walk

And walk I did indeed! In my Chuck T's even!

and I didn't even Cry!
When I walked across the stage, I got my fake diploma

After the ceremony there were pictures to be taken of course.

Then after graduation, there was a grad party to go to where there was a little drinking...

And Singing...

And toilet surfing?

Needless to say I had a GREAT time and I loved every minute of it!

I'm Done!

2008-05-10T18:00:00.001-07:00

I am officially a college graduate an alumni of Kansas Wesleyan University!! Pictures coming soon.

It's Almost Go Time

2008-05-07T11:36:00.001-07:00

I'm leaving for Kansas in just over an hour, I'm SO excited! I can't wait to see everybody. My old roommate Rio and I are thinking about writing stuff on our caps in puffy paint(some people do that) and I wanted to write something for my dad but I didn't know what to write, but I have an alternative idea.

I absolutely LOVE this picture of my dad:

He's smiling, happy, wearing his baseball hat, tan (he was always tan!), and in a University of Washington Husky sweatshirt (he was a die hard UW fan). THAT is my dad, not the pale skinny frame that I took care of the last few months of his life.

Anyway, I'm thinking about putting this picture on my cap, in a wallet size or a little bigger. Wat do you think?? After all, I am walking for him, so he can see me walk. Man I miss him.

Change of subject, softball was a blast last night. I was kind of nervous cause it's a more competitive league, not super competitive but some people take it pretty seriously and I hadn't played in YEARS. I did pretty well though and I think I'm going to be playing with them regularly so I'm very excited about that! We won both games (double header) so we're 4-0 now, watch out!

Okay, time to shower and finish packing the odds and ends!

Softball!!

2008-05-06T14:50:00.000-07:00

Last night a few of us got together at one of our friends house for Cinco de Mayo which was pretty fun. A few of us that were there are playing co-ed softball together starting June, and my friend Mike that is playing with us works at an athletic store so we will get a good discount on our jerseys and all that. Yep, we're going to have uniforms. Nothing special, but it will be pretty awesome, we're all pretty pumped!

Not too much else is going on. I leave for Kansas tomorrow, YES!! I should probably start packing but honestly that wont happen till later tonight.

One of my good friends, Michelle is playing on a co-ed team right now and they need another girl so I have to play tonight. I shouldn't say have to, but they asked me to. To be honest, I'm kind of nervous! I haven't gone to batting cages or anything, hopefully I don't make an ass out of myself!

It's Almost Kansas Time!!

2008-05-05T09:21:00.001-07:00

UPDATE: as of 1:25 pacific time, I am FINISHED with all 4 of my papers! No more papers for the rest of my life...for school anyway! 3 more exams to do by Friday (piece of cake!) and then I'm DONE!!

Yesterday I started my co-ed basketball league and it was so fun! One of the guys is hilarious, he reminds me of a guy I went to school with in Kansas. We won (go us!), I'm not really sure what the score was...I never remember though. I never remembered even when I was playing on a school team.

Lets see...so far I have polished off 3 papers in 3 days! One was 2 pages, one was 4, and the one from yesterday was 7. I have another one that I want to get done by today that has to be a long one also. After the papers are done, I have to get 3 exams done by Friday. A piece of cake. What can I say, I work well under pressure.

ONLY TWO DAYS LEFT UNTIL I GO TO KANSAS!! I'm so excited! One of my best friends out there, Jenn is going to pick me up (she's the one in the picture where it says "my sister from another mister").

My mom and Rex (step dad) made a last minute flight and they will be out there for graduation also! I just told my mom a couple days ago that I was going to walk now and she wasn't sure if they were going to be able to make it cause she just took time off for her surgery and her assistant quit on Friday. But her boss was way cool so she gets to close early this Friday and go out to Kansas. It will be a ton of fun!

I can't wait to see everybody!!!

The Verdict Is In...

2008-05-02T16:25:00.000-07:00

I am going to walk at graduation. I gave my measurement sheet to one of my friends for my cap and gown before I left Kansas and I figured she had forgotten to turn it in cause I forgot about it but I was wrong! I got a call last week saying that my cap and gown were in.

After talking to my professors, getting an email from the Dean and talking to a couple friends I have decided to walk. I know my dad wont be there the way I wish he could be, but I know he'll see me.

Time to get back to cramming so I'm still eligible to graduate!

Country Boys, Coaching, and The House!

2008-04-29T15:02:00.000-07:00

So I have decided that "hick" wasn't the right word. I was having a brain fart when I was writing that last post to describe those hot-to-trot guys, but I think "country" would describe them better!

Friday night at the Yella Beak (see, even the bar name is country) was awesome. I think the other three girls and I fell in love at least 10 times each. Of course none of us had the guts to talk to any of them but that will happen next time, I am very outgoing but when it comes to guys I am the shyest person you will come across!

On to other things, I have been working for the city on Monday nights doing our "rookies" program. Basically its a practice on Mondays for kids ages 4-6 that are not old enough to be in little league yet. At 5:30 is baseball and then at 6:30 it's soccer.

I hate to play favorites but I have to. Out of the 2 groups I like the baseball kids more...I'm horrible, I know! They just listen SO well! They are both equally as cute (of course) but those soccer kids must all have extreme cases of ADHD I swear! There is like 1 or 2 kids out of the whole group that listen if that, I don't know what the difference is! Oh well, it is a fun job. It's so awesome seeing the kids come back and get better at whatever we were working on that week, I can't believe how good the baseball kids are throwing now, I can't help but smile!

As far as our house goes, we are almost done!! We just have one more room to work on and then we're done doing the "makeover" part!! I'm so excited!

Oh, and 10 days until I graduate!

1 Down, 1 To Go

2008-04-25T17:15:00.000-07:00

Everything is still going well here at home. I miss my dad every day and there's not a single day that I don't think about my dad..A LOT. I miss him so much, but I am glad he isn't feeling so crappy anymore and he gets to be with his dad who he has missed since he was 17.

We have started the "make-over" of our house. We did the living room last weekend and it looks AWESOME and this weekend is our "computer room" which will look good also...pictures coming soon!

My sister and I are not trying to get rid of our father in anyway, but my mom put it perfectly. We don't want it to be the "sick house" anymore, we need a fresh start and get used to our new normal.

Tonight I'm going out with some friends to this bar that is in a "hick town" not too far from us. We are all so excited! Michelle and I both went to schools in small towns so it's like home to us, not to mention we kinda have a thing for those "hick" boys.

I don't know what it is about them but they are just so darn cute! Not necessarily a "hick" guy like George Strait, but somewhere along the lines of Jason Aldean

or Rodney Atkins

If any of you see one of these type of guys around, send them our way! ;o]

So Excited

2008-04-18T16:45:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was a month since my dad has passed away...it's crazy! It doesn't seem like it's been that long, I miss him so much though. Sometimes I still go to call him but then I remember that I can't.

Things are still coming along. We should be getting furniture here in a week or so and my mom, Rex (step dad), Whitney and I are going to start painting hopefully this weekend, I'm very excited!

My room and bathroom are almost completely done, just need a couple more "decorative" items.

I have also booked my flight for good ol Kansas to go back for graduation/see my friends/get the rest of my stuff. I am very excited. I have decided not to walk and to be honest it's not a big deal to me. I'm still getting my diploma and everything. I'm just excited I get to see everyone.

ALSO, one of my best friends Kyle got accepted to Arizona State University grad school! I spent my freshman and sophomore years of college in Mesa, AZ which is about 5 min away from ASU. I'm going to be driving down to Arizona with him in late May which I'm way excited about!

It's a long drive, I drove there and back 2 times but it's not TOO bad. Plus HE will have to drive the whole time cause his truck is a stick,(I don't know how to drive a stick) haha sucker! I am pretty sure we're going to make a little pit stop in Vegas...after all it IS on the way, so why not right? Then I'll be back in my old stomping grounds and get to see all my friends and old teammates out there! I can't wait! :o]

Being Chronically Late

2008-04-16T12:44:00.000-07:00

is a huge pet peeve of mine! Every once in a while people are going to be late for various reasons but when it's a constant and regular occurrence it drives me insane!

This is something I definitely get from my dad. I have always been a punctual person whether it be to go meet friends, practice, or work, I'm always on time and usually a few minutes early just to make sure. I also think that being on time is respecting the person/people that you are meeting up with.

I have this friend that is NEVER on time, and when I say never, I mean it! She isn't just like 5 minutes late here and there, I'm talking 30 minutes PLUS! Today I wanted to take my car down to the Nissan dealership to get an oil change. My friend was going to follow me down there so I could drop my car off and then bring me back to my house. The plan was for her to be here at 10:45. It is now 12:49, TWO HOURS later and she STILL isn't here.

I'm saying forget the oil change today, either my sister will take me down tomorrow or I'll just go early and wait. Those dealerships can take a long time!

Anyway, this isn't a rare thing to happen, it's every time we are going to do something! It has been driving me up the wall lately and yesterday I let her know...not in a rude way though.

We were going to go eat lunch and I called her around 1:30 and she said she would be 20 minutes so I was expecting like 2:00...yeah right, she didn't get to my house till damn near 3:00!

Personally I think it's rude and disrespectful to be that late. Five minutes late may be acceptable at certain times but an hour-two hours is NOT acceptable in my book! I think it shows selfishness and it's just plain rude. The message that she is sending is that she doesn't care about anyone but herself. Ugh SO annoying! Does anyone else agree??

Busy Busy

2008-04-12T11:40:00.001-07:00

This past week has still been busy! I honestly thought that a week or so after my dad passed away that things would calm down....WRONG! I feel like I'm in a tailspin sometimes.

I have finally got all my stuff from my "old" room into my "new" room and my sister is moving her stuff from her "old" room to her "new" room. I'm taking the master bedroom and she's taking my "old" room. We re-painted the walls in her room...well her and one of her friends did, I did the accent wall in a lavender and it looks really good! Now we are waiting for her comforter to come in!

As for my room, it looks like Tornado Kayli hit it! I never knew I'd have so much laundry from my "old" room! Also, I decided to take my really bright comforter back. It was pretty cool, and really bright but I felt like I was 13! So I got a new one, and new bathroom stuff which I will post when the debris from the tornado are picked up.

On Thursday I had an interview with the city for a summer job. I'd be a manager at the out door city pool! I'd work from the end of June to Labor Day weekend and the pay is pretty decent for a summer job, and then it's time for me to get a "real" job.

I think the interview went really well, I will find out just how well this coming up week!

I also had a date on Thursday night. The guy is a friend of my good friends boyfriend. I met him last weekend at Justin's b-day party. He is a nice guy but just not for me. It's pretty evident that he has some $ and he likes to flaunt it and tries to impress people...not my style! It was a good experience though, he was kind and I had a good time but I don't have any urge at all to go on another date so I'm waiting for the next one! :o]

Things Are Starting To Fall Into Place

2008-04-03T20:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my Mom, sister, and I went to Sleep Country to work out the mattress situation. We got my dad a tempurpedic and neither of us like it so we got to exchange for the same monetary value and we got a great deal! Both my sister and I got queen mattresses (the same ones actually!) and there is some sort of sale going on there and each mattress came with 2 pillows, a set of sheets, and a mattress cover...not too shabby! It ended up to be a straight across exchange.

After our total score at Sleep Country we went to Target to see if my sisters duvet cover was in stock (she found it online). Well while we were looking for her I came across the most perfect comforter for myself! It's VERY VERY similar to the comforter I posted about! I also got a new shower curtain and towels, yesterday was definitely my day for shopping.

I myself have a little extra money because I got my income tax check and I got myself a digital camera today! It's awesome. It's a Nikon "coolpix" or something like that. I tried out a few yesterday and today and it was definitely my favorite, GREAT pictures so I'm sure I'll have more pictures in my blogs!

I would post pictures of the comforter and shower curtain but I will not do that until Sunday...or after. Sunday is when we get our mattresses delivered and my "new room" should be good to go.

I know my dad is very excited and proud of Whitney (sister) and I. He wanted to change the house for a long time but I was always away at school and then he got sick. It sucks not to have him here to do this WITH us, I know he'd love it.

I miss him so much, I was, still am, and always will be a daddy's girl. I'm okay though, and I will continue to be okay, he doesn't want me to be sad.

Tonight I'm going to a movie with one of my good friends Tara so I should get going, it's about that time!

5 Weeks Left

2008-03-30T10:54:00.000-07:00

Almost another week has passed, its all going by so fast! On Friday was my dad's memorial. It was exactly how he wanted it. Nothing fancy, not too serious, and everyone he cared about was there.

My aunts, cousins, and Uncle came up from Oregon (of course). It was a good time. I love spending time with them and I'm sure that will happen more and more since my dad has passed.

There isn't a whole lot new going on here. I have about 5 weeks until I graduate! My aunt wants me to walk but to me there is no point if nobody is going to be there. I'm going back to KS for graduation weekend and I'll still graduate but there is no point in walking if my family isn't there. I'll still have a diploma and I can walk across my living room floor if they want me to walk so bad!

I'm sure I'll talk to them more about it, but I will only walk under one condition; my aunts and cousin(s) go. Luke, my older cousin (the only one older than me) reminds me all the time that I'm going to graduate, which I will! Him and my dad were pretty close, after all he was the only kid around for 6 years till I came into the picture and ruined it haha!

Anyway, IF I walk, I want my aunt(s) to be there, and Luke at least, or maybe just Luke. Either way, I don't want to walk for nobody cause that's pointless! We'll see how it all pans out and I'll let you all know too.

A Week Has Passed

2008-03-24T12:24:00.000-07:00

It's been a week since my Dad passed away and things are actually going pretty well. Sometimes it's still kind of weird cause I'm used to getting up and checking on him to make sure he is okay, and now I don't have to do that. I also have freedom. Not that I was a prisoner when my dad was sick but I did stay home A LOT because I was not comfortable being away.

Eventually I'm going to move into my Dads old room. Today I think my sister and I are going to start cleaning his stuff out which will be REALLY easy, he was clean and organized. I think one of the best ways to start to move on is to change his room. I don't want to be living in this house for a year with that room shut ya know.

This whole thing is not too hard to deal with. My sister and I (especially me) had time to prepare. I saw him get worse and worse every day and about a month before he passed away I was okay with him going. I think it is easier for the two of us than it is for anyone else, we lived it every day. I can't believe it's already been a week!

I have to say that I am kind of anxious to turn our house into OUR house, and I KNOW that is what my dad wants. It will be fun to decorate and all of that. I have been looking online for comforters because I get a new bedroom set (my dads was pretty new and is very nice!).

I really like bright colors so I wanted a bright comforter and after looking around I found this one...

I'm not sure exactly when I'll be able to get it but I can't wait!

March 17th, 2008

2008-03-19T09:55:00.000-07:00

As you all know my dad had cancer and things were getting rough for him. On Monday March, 17th my dad passed away at about 6:16 am.

Of course it's a hard thing to go through but my sister and I especially have been processing this situation since January when I came home. We were prepared for this to happen and we were okay with it.

The end of the road started off kinda rocky for my dad on Sunday afternoon but it "ended" the best way it could. My dad was asleep, no machines hooked up to him (he didn't want that!) and he just let go. There was no struggle for air, no moaning, no grunting, just sleep which is what he was begging for on Sunday night.

Don't worry, my sister and I were not alone, we weren't even here when my dad was having the rough times. My mom and step dad were here (my mom did EVERYTHING for my dad!!), a couple of my dads close friends, and my aunts and uncle came up from Oregon.

Whitney and I slept at friends houses until we got the call from our mom to come home because we didn't have much time.

Even when my dad was on his "death bead" he was still very much himself! He was sort of in and out because of the medication but his spunk and personality was still there which was awesome and helped. When I told my dad I was going to my friends for a littl bit and that I loved him I started to cry and he just looked at me and said "Kayli, you're not going to the mooon and back, I'll still be here when you get home!" haha.

When my aunts walked in the room he said "That is a long drive, what the hell are you doing here?" and when one of them started to cry in his room he opened his eyes, looked at them, and said "No crying in this room!"

The most amazing part about this, my dad did not shed ONE tear! He was SO strong and wanted nothing more but to have people laughing around him even when he was miserable. What an amazing guy, I am lucky to have had him for 22 years, he always has been and always will be my hero, Love you Dad!

The Past 15 Months

2008-03-12T11:55:00.000-07:00

I'm going to steal Lala's idea here, I feel like I need to start off fresh.

The past 15 months have been a crazy roller coaster with ups and downs, twists, and turns and here it is in a nutshell.

December 28, 2007 we found out my dad had esophagus cancer. I was away in Kansas going to school and playing basketball. In January I made the choice to leave my team and school to come home and take care of my dad and help my sister if need be.

In February I started dating someone who I'd met in August 2 weeks before I went to school. Clearly 2 weeks wasn't enough time to get to know someone or start something so we just remained friends...well until February. He got deployed in April and sent home in October because his knee was pretty messed up. Shortly after Christmas we decided to call it quits.

In July we got good news that my dads tumor had shurnk 20% and we made a decision to send me back to Kansas to finish school in August.

In December I come home for my 10 days of Christmas Break (it was short cause I was also a student assistant coach) and I get a bomb dropped on me. The Dr. calls 2 days after my dad's CT scan and tells us that things have gotten worse. The tumor is bigger, his lymph nodes have more cancer, and he now has leisons on his liver. Back to Kansas I go but just for 2 weeks to talk to professors and get everything I need to come back home.

I come home in January and here I am now. I'm finishing up my degree by emailing my professors all of the assignments while taking care of my dad every day. It used to be that good days were days when my dad felt like going to the gym or taking the dog for a walk. Now good days are when my dad will eat a whole plate of food, and by a whole plate, it's not adult servings, more like the size of a kids meal.