5 Weeks Left

Almost another week has passed, its all going by so fast! On Friday was my dad's memorial. It was exactly how he wanted it. Nothing fancy, not too serious, and everyone he cared about was there.

My aunts, cousins, and Uncle came up from Oregon (of course). It was a good time. I love spending time with them and I'm sure that will happen more and more since my dad has passed.

There isn't a whole lot new going on here. I have about 5 weeks until I graduate! My aunt wants me to walk but to me there is no point if nobody is going to be there. I'm going back to KS for graduation weekend and I'll still graduate but there is no point in walking if my family isn't there. I'll still have a diploma and I can walk across my living room floor if they want me to walk so bad!

I'm sure I'll talk to them more about it, but I will only walk under one condition; my aunts and cousin(s) go. Luke, my older cousin (the only one older than me) reminds me all the time that I'm going to graduate, which I will! Him and my dad were pretty close, after all he was the only kid around for 6 years till I came into the picture and ruined it haha!

Anyway, IF I walk, I want my aunt(s) to be there, and Luke at least, or maybe just Luke. Either way, I don't want to walk for nobody cause that's pointless! We'll see how it all pans out and I'll let you all know too.

A Week Has Passed

It's been a week since my Dad passed away and things are actually going pretty well. Sometimes it's still kind of weird cause I'm used to getting up and checking on him to make sure he is okay, and now I don't have to do that. I also have freedom. Not that I was a prisoner when my dad was sick but I did stay home A LOT because I was not comfortable being away.

Eventually I'm going to move into my Dads old room. Today I think my sister and I are going to start cleaning his stuff out which will be REALLY easy, he was clean and organized. I think one of the best ways to start to move on is to change his room. I don't want to be living in this house for a year with that room shut ya know.

This whole thing is not too hard to deal with. My sister and I (especially me) had time to prepare. I saw him get worse and worse every day and about a month before he passed away I was okay with him going. I think it is easier for the two of us than it is for anyone else, we lived it every day. I can't believe it's already been a week!

I have to say that I am kind of anxious to turn our house into OUR house, and I KNOW that is what my dad wants. It will be fun to decorate and all of that. I have been looking online for comforters because I get a new bedroom set (my dads was pretty new and is very nice!).

I really like bright colors so I wanted a bright comforter and after looking around I found this one...

I'm not sure exactly when I'll be able to get it but I can't wait!

March 17th, 2008

As you all know my dad had cancer and things were getting rough for him. On Monday March, 17th my dad passed away at about 6:16 am.

Of course it's a hard thing to go through but my sister and I especially have been processing this situation since January when I came home. We were prepared for this to happen and we were okay with it.

The end of the road started off kinda rocky for my dad on Sunday afternoon but it "ended" the best way it could. My dad was asleep, no machines hooked up to him (he didn't want that!) and he just let go. There was no struggle for air, no moaning, no grunting, just sleep which is what he was begging for on Sunday night.

Don't worry, my sister and I were not alone, we weren't even here when my dad was having the rough times. My mom and step dad were here (my mom did EVERYTHING for my dad!!), a couple of my dads close friends, and my aunts and uncle came up from Oregon.

Whitney and I slept at friends houses until we got the call from our mom to come home because we didn't have much time.

Even when my dad was on his "death bead" he was still very much himself! He was sort of in and out because of the medication but his spunk and personality was still there which was awesome and helped. When I told my dad I was going to my friends for a littl bit and that I loved him I started to cry and he just looked at me and said "Kayli, you're not going to the mooon and back, I'll still be here when you get home!" haha.

When my aunts walked in the room he said "That is a long drive, what the hell are you doing here?" and when one of them started to cry in his room he opened his eyes, looked at them, and said "No crying in this room!"

The most amazing part about this, my dad did not shed ONE tear! He was SO strong and wanted nothing more but to have people laughing around him even when he was miserable. What an amazing guy, I am lucky to have had him for 22 years, he always has been and always will be my hero, Love you Dad!

The Past 15 Months

I'm going to steal Lala's idea here, I feel like I need to start off fresh.

The past 15 months have been a crazy roller coaster with ups and downs, twists, and turns and here it is in a nutshell.

December 28, 2007 we found out my dad had esophagus cancer. I was away in Kansas going to school and playing basketball. In January I made the choice to leave my team and school to come home and take care of my dad and help my sister if need be.

In February I started dating someone who I'd met in August 2 weeks before I went to school. Clearly 2 weeks wasn't enough time to get to know someone or start something so we just remained friends...well until February. He got deployed in April and sent home in October because his knee was pretty messed up. Shortly after Christmas we decided to call it quits.

In July we got good news that my dads tumor had shurnk 20% and we made a decision to send me back to Kansas to finish school in August.

In December I come home for my 10 days of Christmas Break (it was short cause I was also a student assistant coach) and I get a bomb dropped on me. The Dr. calls 2 days after my dad's CT scan and tells us that things have gotten worse. The tumor is bigger, his lymph nodes have more cancer, and he now has leisons on his liver. Back to Kansas I go but just for 2 weeks to talk to professors and get everything I need to come back home.

I come home in January and here I am now. I'm finishing up my degree by emailing my professors all of the assignments while taking care of my dad every day. It used to be that good days were days when my dad felt like going to the gym or taking the dog for a walk. Now good days are when my dad will eat a whole plate of food, and by a whole plate, it's not adult servings, more like the size of a kids meal.